Wifey Material.
The other day I was talking to a work colleague of mine who is in a relationship with a Somali guy. She wants to get married but he has not attempted to make any rational decisions to make this occur. However, this girl still is sticking around hoping and yearning for the day to come that he would marry her. I asked her what type of relationship they have so I can develop a picture of what type of person he is. One thing that she said that went around my mind was I quote, ‘’He usually takes me shisha places and drives me home late’’ two words that made me come to the realisation that he does not consider her as a ‘wifey’ material and also illustrates the lack of respect was ‘’shisha’’ and ‘’Late’’. If a man saw any future with you he would never I repeat never take you to shisha places nor would he bring you home late. As weird as this may sound he should treat you the way he would treat his sister, I highly doubt that he would want to take his sister to a shisha place or want her coming home late. After this analysis I told my work colleague that he does not consider her as a ‘wifey’ material, When a guy actually considers you as his future wife he would try elevate you as a person and not take you to places that will demean you prestige and he would not look at you as a his ‘girl’ but the mother of his future children. Below I have listed all the factors that highlight that this guy consists of another agenda besides making you his wife.
He only calls you late at night.
This is a clear cut sign. A guy should be calling you at appropriate times, and he must keep in mind that you have siblings and late night conversation does not set a good example.
He takes you to shisha place
If a guy thought highly of you he would never expose you to such environments nor would he want to publicise what you have.
You have been in this so called relationship for over a year.
Ok let me break this down, you and this guy together is already a sin because of the sheer fact that you are not married; So why would you want the Shaytaan to be the third party for a long period of time.? To be honest even a year is too long all you really need to know is the prime information such as, is he a righteous man?, how important is deen to him? and lastly his income. You waiting around to find out his favourite colour is quiet irrelevant. My sisters friend got married only after 3 months and she stated, ‘’every day I’m discovering something new about him’’ surely this is a more interesting marriage then you getting bored of each other’s habits. So keep it halal and speed up the process.
He does not try to alter you according to the deen.
I cannot stress the importance of this, if he has no problems if you wear skinny jeans and having your hair out then he surely must not consider you as his future wife; Because any intelligent man would want you to cover your beauty and reserve it for him.
I cannot say that this factors will 100% make you a ‘’girlfriend’’ and not a ‘’wife’’ because there are situations which led to marriage. However, keep in mind by choosing to marry a man that has similarities with the above factors then in some sense highlights that maybe you might be lowering your standards or your standards was already low.
By Suad Ahmed Ali ‘Shaarah’
Shaaraf@aduunyo.com
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hahaha very interesting!
Very true! Many women complain that their men don’t give them respect but sometimes it’s because they don’t respect themselves. Do you expect your man to make you his wife and the mother of his children if you’re going out late and smoking up shisha with him?
walahi I’m loving this. you got talent sis you really have! keep them coming.
Salam Caleykum,
Let me applaud to the sister who wrote the article & hope sisters would analyse what kind of relationship they have with a guy before marriage. obey the sharia & Allah will guide you to the right path with the right person Amin.
no man will respect you if you don’t respect youself and important thing is that keep your religion and stay in halal
thanks abayo for writing that article.
listen sis… a relationship between the opposite sexs shouldnt be happining i dont know where ur going with is. are u trying to become a writer. and ur just adding a religious tag on ur writing??? u should a) quote meaningful hadiths from a beloved prophet and ayaats from the quran on how to choose a righteous spous, the will captulize ur audience rather making ‘relationships’ seem ok when their not. comments like ‘he only takes u to shisha places’ he shouldnt be taking u anywhere unless she is with her muharam…
‘he does not change/ alter u according to the deen’ he shouldnt be changing u at all… a man should marry or choose a wife for her deen visa versa..what u talking about.
and ‘a so called relationship’ what the hell is that suppose to meen… relationship that the girls family dont know about is haraam…
fear allah… subxanallah
loool funny nice one. enjoyed it. Mo she is talking about watz goin on in todays society she is tryin to help the people that needz help in this situation n she does say spped up da process n get married.Anywayz it appealz to me and majority of the ppl. do ur thing sis. mashallah u gat talent!
Yes, it is true sister that if man wants to marry a girl, he treats like a mother of his future children. He respects her modesty, and preserves her reputation. I don’t know what you mean she should preserve her beauty. She is a human being and has right to wear whatever she wants. People come from different cultures, customs, and islamic denominations. Therefore, she might not be religious as she appears as he is not. Second, I don’t think someone is wrong with long term relationship. Talk to any somali girl, she have had multipble relations since saws 15years. Wetther religion denounces or approves, Somalis date, have term relationship, go to movie, hang out at night, and drive around the city, eat out resturants. It is not new. Somalis often appear hyprocrite in many ways when it comes to religion because there are those preach religion when they don’t follow it. For example, where do you see somali girls respect religion when they wear the most nudest clothing in Aros or weddings, shake their butts playing buraanbur and so for. She goes to Shisha and comes late at home because that is their custom as Somali girls go late for Aros wedding and come home late. Smoke is noxious for her health but it is not the business of his. I think you creates problem for this girl and man and suggest you to give her positive advice instead of creates problems between them like Satan.
omg! how come all muslim talks about is what “we girls are doing wrong” seriously talk about what men are doing instead, they are so stupid and they dont respect girls, and when i read stuff like this is mostly girls that writ it, are u for real! u should talk good think about ur on sex and let the stupid things for the stupid guys to talk about!!!!
why you so anti men, at the end of the day this stuff Is for girls the chick is not writing for guys she is writing for girls, guys are not on her agenda. BUT, no guy takes a girl to a shisha place aganist her will its her fault she needs to SAY NO!!! get with it babe an stop man hating!
I would like to say what an excellent article you have written Suaad, as for Mohammed, please don’t be quick to judge – the sister has written about a typical scenario and what you’re saying is absolutely right, however, you could use a gentle approach and remind our sister about the religious etiquette of seeking marriage. It would be more appropriate for you to say “sister you should have mentioned the hadith…” instead of saying ‘fear allah… subxanallah’. And Allaah knows best
Sallam. Excellent article. There are ways to criticism someone without offending them or making them feel like nothing. If you have constructive criticism please do it accordingly, lets not insult or degrade each other please. This is the typical issues facing the Somali Youth in North America nowadays and there are worser situation but nevertheless it’s happening so we must mention it. Somali sisters and brothers need to take marriage more serious and try to do it in a halal matter. We shouldn’t be going behind our parents and dating each other, it’s very destructive and unislamic. If you are enjoyed in a brother or sister go through the right channel and make it know that you are interested in that particular person. So you can start developing a relationship with the family and sibling. If we try to act like the kuffir we will most definitely become loser and earn the anger of Allah(swt). I just want to say if you want to get married do it in the halal matter, that is the only way we are suppose to do it. Thanks sister for writing the article, I hope people benefit for it.
to be honest I’m a caramel skin girl but I have lightened myself but no cheap products expensive stuff, thus before you judge me its sad but true no guys like dark or inbetween coloured girls. Its all about light skinned girls. When I go out with my firedn who is light she gets all the attention even though I may have more qualities. But now that I have lightend myself i have to fight guys off lol, but its true light skin gets it all.